Why You

I think one of the reasons I fell for you was because you were there for me when I cried.
We were in a car together on a road trip with friends and I was trying to get over someone.
The reality of that heartbreak was difficult to accept, and you probably didn't even notice because you were driving and it was dark.
Looking out of the window at passing shadows the silence made my thoughts start to run like paint, subtly accenting a mental recording of blurred spheres of light going by on the asphalt.
When the wells in my eyes could no longer hold their tension, I took my glasses off and pointed out the lights and made a joke, how it was funny how blind I was because at night when I took my glasses off that was all I could see, headlights and brake lights leading new lives as ghostly red and white spheres.
I always surmised that when the apocalypse finally comes, people with glasses would be the first to die when circumstances got bad like that guy in The Mummy. You are one of the lucky ones.
Looking back I wasn't sure how to feel about that moment, at the time it didn't seem that significant, just as long as I was able to hide my secret, but I was vulnerable that night and you were there, and for some reason it felt okay.
Later when we pulled over for a break, our friends forming circles of small talk and keeping their eyes out for meteors, I felt the urge to stim, one of many repetitive Autistic body movements a person can make to soothe, and I pulled away from the group to fly.
While my arms cut slowly up and down through the chilly night air and my feet traced an even bigger circle gliding, the sad feelings slowly fell away one by one.
Even though you could've been a random friend sitting next to me in the car that day, for some reason crying felt okay.
That may have been one of the first times I started seeing you differently.


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Flower Phase

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A Poem After a Long Time

Do you remember the months after

we went to Canada when we argued

again and you broke things off? I

think it was shortly after I invited you

to the Grand Canyon and you 

criticized my friends. People our age 

can be stupid like that, selfish, it was 

my fault I think for not giving you space, 

but by that point the cycle kept repeating 

itself and I liked you so much. My head 

told me not to expect too much because

even though you liked me for a long time 

before I liked you, every time I gave you 

too much trouble your toes grazed the 

landing. It was my fault for capturing

you after the house warming party. Even 

though my head told me that we weren't

compatible, that it would never work out and

end too soon, hearts would be broken, pain

and trauma seared, and the tangles in my mind

couldn't easily be braided, a worked up heart

once again overrode it's brain. I touched your 

arm and asked if we were okay, and for 

the final time you said we were

In my head we fell in love around Christmas, 

you're better than you think you are~

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The One with the Bald Spot- 2/15/19

You died on a cloudy winters day,
someplace in between sunrise and sunset.
As you ruffled your feathers for the last time
prepping yourself for sleep you seemed
more energetic and gave one last show.
To and fro our rooms you soared,
mischievous, like this was the one time you
didn't have to be responsible.
I turned on the heater for you while you dozed
and suddenly were able to eat more;
I thought we would take you to the vet
tomorrow and that everything would be alright,
but last night while mom slept she told me
she had a dream of a small bright light,
one that flew up to her as if to say
thank you for everything, goodbye
and in the morning you joined grandma.

The beginning, Sno late 2010

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Dare to be Different

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Egg Basket

 

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365 Days of Outfits Photo Project

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