Thursday, May 25, 2017

Creative Agony

One of the things that is hard about being creative is dealing with the idea
that you have to get everything done and
perfect, satisfactory, NOW, especially when
there's a deadline even though it's far
and you have mounds of time,
you stress and stress and stress about
crossing it off your list and
don't realize when the day is gone you've completed three quarters
be grateful, happy,
take a break and come back later
you've earned it
and even then, it'll never be enough.

Tuesday, May 16, 2017

Burnt Out

Sometimes I wish I could cut ties with my phone
shut it up and lock in in a dungeon or toss it into a well
to not have to talk to anyone, corneas
and amygdalae burnt to a crisp
forever enjoying the silence,
the essence, of being-
by myself.


Thursday, May 11, 2017

Chrome Map Nails

"Not all those who wander are lost."
Polishes from top: Blue Rhapsody, Penny Talk, No Place Like Chrome, Good as Gold, Nothing Else Metals

Essie Mirror Metallics, please excuse the wrinkly fingers:p

For lazy girls who want an interesting manicure but are too lazy to take their old polish off, here's a cool way to repurpose chipped nails. Swipe another coat of polish over the refuse and make it look like continents on a map!:)

Lately this has been my favorite way to do my nails. Using one of my all time favorite sets of polishes in my collection, Essie's Mirror Metallics, I complete this design over the course of a few days. Alternating colors on each finger depending on what color combination you're feeling, I usually go with one on each hand because I like the harmony, paint each nail 2-3 coats for a solid look.

After they've dried add a clear top coat and go about your week. Once the polish begins to chip wait till everything looks something like my last two fingers in the picture above or resembles continents. Then go in with another coat of the same color polish on top of the chippage, and when it dries it'll have a nice 3D effect. Finish with Sally Hansen Insta-Dry Top Coat.

I love this nail polish look because it reminds me of an old timey world map. Kind of like vintage curled paper with Colombus age vibes, when I look at it my eyes take on a far away glow. You can fathom I'm imagining each continent floating far above the water, and thinking about where the mind goes when it dreams. 

Finalmente, I understand what WanderLust is all about.

Saturday, May 6, 2017

Home is Where the Heart Is

Shut up.

I don't want to hear your speeches.
Again and again for the hundredth time,
I don't want to talk to you.

You want a different child, one that will comply
why not steal one

I hope you believe me when I say I try
that I'm not the average specimen of the being
you hoped for when my head breached the womb
HELLO World, I'm sorry, you weren't made quite as able to live
how did you survive?

I'm sorry, and not. When you feel like you're not good enough to live in this world

I've tried. So much that once I stopped living for myself
because you didn't understand
who I am and what I do, what makes me, me
when I realized it will never be good enough
SO, I stopped. Still,

It hurts to try and fail, come back home and be brought down even further
by your impatience, lack of understanding, and selfishness.
A family is not a family if it is not dysfunctional.

You say you told me so, that I should've become that doctor
it's not too late, you will pay, I'm grateful that you offered
but this is my life, and it makes me happiest to live it my way.

You shouldn't be in a hurry to define things that you do not know,
but now I am, because you won't stop pushing.

And on perhaps the millionth time that my foot will set through that door,
I regret that I am counting down the time till I won't have to come back again.

I don't want to come home if it pushes me back into that hole

I know you are worried and you worry in your own way
but please, SHUT UP. I get it.


Tuesday, April 25, 2017

Wind Up Doll

I don't know why, but most times
it is hard to get out of bed in the morning.

Time, strung together by a sun and moons neurotic phases
is comprised of hollow minutes
arranged in note less compositions.

Are the cursed years really behind you?

Make it meaningful. Make it exciting.
Everything is boring. Dissolved desire
frolics in the viscous solution that is my thoughts,
and I stare.

And stare and stare and stare...into a blank future.
I am a wind up doll. Not normal.

-When you lack and need a purpose.